I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
