I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize