You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You are a genius and a whore.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
