fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
