I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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