Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
