Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
