I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
