thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
