So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
as a side note pls kill me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
