I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize