She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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