walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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