it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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