Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
