My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
