Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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