he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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