I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
