where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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