What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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