Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
