But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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