Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
