she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
