I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
