Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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