I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
