i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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