she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
