Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
