he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
