yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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