She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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