shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
