Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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