bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
