Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Someone shit on the floor
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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