yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
