I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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