Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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