this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
