i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize