Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
