it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
