Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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