so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
