Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
