No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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