Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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