but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
