I take back everything I said about communal showers
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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