i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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