if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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