you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
