addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
