Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am naked and annoyed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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