Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
