The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
