for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need to sanitize my soul.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize