Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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