What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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