Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
