That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
