dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
