so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
