My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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