Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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