Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
