He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
