I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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