that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
