Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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