it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
