suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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