I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
